


When The Lights Go Out

by Augustus



Category: Five (Band), Popslash
Genre: Humor, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-15
Updated: 2002-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3241583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Augustus/pseuds/Augustus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s night. 5ive are meant to be sleeping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Lights Go Out

**Author's Note:**

> Chronology: I’m thinking early 1998

_(Int: A hotel room - huge, luxurious and covered in discarded clothing, half-eaten snack foods and five pairs of extremely large boots. Not that one can see this, as the lights are out and the thin strands of moonlight that creep past the curtain edges are only strong enough to illuminate the vague, shadowy forms of five single beds. It seems the 5ive management has been busy rearranging hotel rooms in the pursuit of band bonding...  
The sound of munching is coming from the bed on the far end.)_

SCOTT: _(sleepily)_ J? Is that you?

J: Mmph arumph grff.

_(More chomping noises.)_

SCOTT: For Christ's sake, J, it's two AM in the morning.

J: Hungry. Must eat.

RICH: That'd be the steroids again.

J: Shh. You never know who’s listening at the keyhole.

ABS: Is it true what they say?

RICH: About keyholes?

SEAN: What do they say?

SCOTT: They say I’m going to personally go over there and stuff a sock in J’s mouth if he doesn’t start eating a little more quietly.

ABS: What are you eating anyway? I thought you said you were sick of those pickled onion crisps.

J: Mpphhana.

ABS: Huh?

J: _(finally finishing his mouthful)_ Banana.

ABS: But I thought we… uh… ate… those.

J: Room service.

ABS: Oh.

RICH: Now I’m getting hungry. 

SCOTT: Don’t look at me. I’m trying to get some sleep over here.

SEAN: I’ve got some leftover vindaloo under my bed if you want some…

RICH: Is it in a bowl?

SEAN: Of course it’s in a bowl. I’m not about leave it on the carpet to get all fluffy and inedible, am I?

ABS: Well, there was that one time…

SEAN: Once! And it was more than three weeks ago!

RICH: Y’know what? I think I’ll give it a miss…

J: You can have the rest of my crisps.

RICH: Forgive me if I don’t fancy smelling like an artificial onion for the rest of the week.

ABS: Now, if it were a designer onion…

RICH: Come on, like that’d make a diff… Okay, you’re right. It probably would. 

SCOTT: Are we going to consider sleep at all this evening, or should I just give up now and save myself the effort?

J: We’re happy to consider it.

ABS: Whether or not we decide in favour of it is another thing entirely.

SCOTT: *frustrated squeak*

SEAN: What time is it?

_(There is a flash of green neon; Sean obviously has a high-tech watch with light-up capabilities.)_

SEAN: _(excitedly)_ It’s three hours past my bedtime!

ABS: So that’s what? Eight pm?

RICH: Remember when we first moved in together? And Sean’s mum would ring every night just to check he was in bed?

SEAN: So? J always goes in to Abs’ room to check he’s in bed. And he takes a lot longer than my mum ever did.

_(There is a guilty silence from the J and Abs area of the room.)_

SCOTT: Remind me to have a talk with you about that one day, Sean. Fill in a few details for you.

SEAN: _(oblivious)_ Okay!

SCOTT: In the meantime, I’m going to try to get some sleep.

J: Okay.

_(He continues to munch away noisily.)_

SCOTT: Aaaaaaagh!

_(Scott’s rapid descent into a mental breakdown actually manages to produce a few moments of silence from the other boys. Then…)_

SEAN: *whimper*

J: _(worried)_ What's wrong, Sean?

SEAN: _(in a very small voice)_ I forgot to bring my teddy bear.

_(General sounds of sleepy sympathy from the others.)_

ABS: Could you cuddle your pillow instead?

_(The sound of vehement head-shaking drifts from Sean's side of the room.)_

SEAN: It's not the same. I'm lonely.

SCOTT: How can you be lonely when we're all here?

SEAN: You're not the same as Mister Hairy.

_(Sounds of muffled mirth)_

ABS: Mister Hairy, eh? Is there something you're not telling us, Sean?

J: Heh. That’s almost the same as the name you call your…

ABS: _(cutting him off)_ Remember how we had that conversation about things that were okay for you to tell other people about?

J: …Yeah.

ABS: Well, that was not one of the items on the list.

J: But I thought…

ABS: _(very firmly)_ No.

J: Not even for comedic value?

ABS: No.

SCOTT: Not even in interviews?

ABS: Most definitely not in interviews.

_(A moment of silence, before a strange, sucking noise begins to reverberate around the room.)_

RICH: Oh, geez, guys. Can’t you give it a break for one damn night?

J: _(amidst the sucking noises)_ Who’re you talking to?

RICH: Uh… you and Abs…

SCOTT: Now, can you see the flaw in your reasoning?

RICH: But… if it’s not J and Abs… and it’s not me and you…

_(If the light was on, we’d be able to see the other guys all turn to stare accusingly at Sean.)_

SCOTT: Sean, are you practising kissing with your pillow again?

_(The sucking stops.)_

SEAN: Mmmph arumph.

ABS: Ah. Of course. Banana or vindaloo?

SEAN: Neither. Thumb.

RICH: Are you going to do that all night?

SEAN: Maybe…

SCOTT: Oh, for God’s sake, does this have to happen every time we go away?

RICH: I’ll get the sock.

ABS: We could use J’s toxic crisps as stuffing.

SCOTT: Do we really want to do that? Surely the bin would be a better option for them.

ABS: True, true.

J: Do you need ears, Sean, or can you make do without?

SEAN: _(around his thumb)_ Ears.

J: Ritchie?

RICH: Why is it always me who has to make the ears?

SCOTT: Because you’re the only one of us who can sew.

RICH: *sigh* I never should have mentioned that in the audition interview, should I?

_(There is a flurry of activity. Finally, however, the project is completed and a brand-new, makeshift Mister Hairy is born. Rich passes it to Scott, who passes it to Sean.)_

SEAN: Thanks guys. I… Geez, could you at least have used a clean sock?

RICH: _(defensively)_ It’s dark. How was I supposed to tell the difference?

SEAN: You couldn’t smell the difference?

_(Rich slips into a petulant sulk. Unfortunately, the darkness covers his well-rehearsed pout.)_

SCOTT: Sleep now? Please?

_(There is a surprisingly long silence. Just as the others are beginning to drift off, however, an eerie, electronic melody begins to echo throughout the room.)_

SCOTT: _(very sleepily)_ …Wazzat? J?

J: Nothing to do with me, mate.

RICH: _(obviously forgetting that he’s meant to be sulking)_ It could be aliens.

SCOTT: It’s always aliens with you, isn’t it?

J: Not always. There was that one time he decided the guy behind the counter at Oddbins was Elvis.

RICH: I had evidence!

SCOTT: Of course you did. 

RICH: But his clothes!

J: Being a little… unfashionable… doesn’t make a person a deceased rock star.

RICH: I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Better to be dead than to willingly wear a nylon wing collar.

_(Meanwhile, the noise carries on…)_

SEAN: What is that?

ABS: Yes! Yes!

SCOTT: I thought you said it wasn’t you, J.

J: It isn’t.

ABS: Die, scum!

RICH: Well, that’s not very nice.

_(The bleeping reaches a crescendo… and then silence.)_

ABS: Shit. 

J: What’s wrong?

ABS: I died.

SCOTT: You what?

ABS: Died.

SEAN: You don’t sound dead.

ABS: Well… not so much me as Mario.

J: Mario? _(getting a little antsy)_ Is there something you want to tell me, Abs? About this Mario fellow?

_(There is a flash of light as something is passed to J.)_

J: Gameboy? 

SCOTT: Oh for Christ’s sake…

ABS: _(defensively)_ But I’m almost finished the level. Another two goes and I’m sure I’ll beat it.

SEAN: Can’t you do it with the sound off?

ABS: _(whining)_ It’s not the same.

_(There is a flurry of blankets, some loud stomping and then an even louder smashing sound as Abs’ Gameboy hits the wall.)_

SCOTT: _(brightly)_ Sound’s off.

_(Now it’s Abs’ turn to sulk.)_

ABS: That was my favourite Gameboy.

RICH: You have more than one?

ABS: Of course.

J: Do you need a hug?

ABS: No, I’m fine.

J: Not a hug. A hug.

ABS: Oh. Right. Yeah, I could do with one of those.

_(Another flurry of blankets, then the annoyed creaking of a single bed protesting at its doubled load.)_

SCOTT: Can you please hug quietly?

_(They manage to do so. Silence reigns for a whole five minutes this time. Until…)_

RICH: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

SCOTT: _(genuinely worried this time)_ What’s wrong?

RICH: Noooooooooooooooo!

ABS: What? What?

RICH: _(wailing)_ I forgot to moisturise!

J: Oh for….

SEAN: I was just starting to fall asleep.

ABS: Me too.

_(Rich has turned into a blubbering mess so it is left up to Scott to find the recalcitrant moisturiser. He scrabbles around in the mess on the hotel room floor for several minutes before finally locating it and stumbling back towards Rich’s bed.)_

SCOTT: _(A little snappishly)_ Here. 

RICH: _(still sniffling)_ Put it on for me?

SCOTT: It’s dark. I’ll poke your eye out.

RICH: It’s not that dark.

SCOTT: Okay. Maybe I should rephrase that. It’s two am and I’m feeling rather irritable. I’ll. Poke. Your. Eye. Out.

_(Rich doesn’t push the matter, although I’m sure there’d be a bit of a quiver to his lower lip if there were light enough to see it.)_

J: Anything else you need to do, Ritchie, or can we actually get some sleep without the fear of subsequent beauty emergencies?

RICH: _(defensively)_ I’m done. 

ABS: Good.

SEAN: _(undoubtedly cuddling his ‘teddy’)_ ‘Night guys.

_(There is a chorus of goodnights, and then – amazingly – silence, broken only by a few soft snores from various beds. Minutes pass. Then…)_

SCOTT: _(whining)_ Guuuuys, it’s too quiiiiiiet. I can’t sleeeeep.

**15th May 2002**


End file.
